Moments and Memories…!!

March 1, 2009

I Won’t Love AGAIN…!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mishra @ 17:57
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Love is sacrifice... kab tak...!!

Love is sacrifice... kab tak..!!

If I propose my love, it would exhibit my selfishness and I am also scared that I might lose my friend. May be I am coward. May be I am not in love enough. May be I don’t know what love is… but among the most misunderstood concepts of the world is term love. Isn’t it…!!

   

He never thought he will say those words… THOSE BLISSFUL WORDS… the feelings he always had… the love he always felt… He always wanted to… but the only hindrance was ‘WHEN”… and now since he was past it… he had said them… all he wanted at this point of his life was a ‘YES’…

 

************************************

Ohhk… lets begin from where it all started…

 

We will have boy’s name as Duffer Donkey (DD in short…)

The girl can be called Dhara…

 

DD was good at heart… but bad in heart matters… he was known among his friends for keeping PROMISES…!!!

Dhara was the best girl you can ever know and you are lucky if she is your friend…

She was DD’s best friend…!!

 

DD met Dhara in June 1990… when he got a chance to sit next to her during a poetry recitation exam in nursery :)… Friendship grew… and soon they were good friends… understanding developed… and it was in 3rd class when he knew that he is in love… But he was a kid, and he knew it too, so… friendship continued.

 

They complimented each other in every possible way… same taste.. same likings… same friends… same problems… an extraordinary sense of humor and… most importantly,… same B’DAY.

 

This best of the best understandings continued for yrs…

Soon, it was time to part… college life was calling. DD knew it that from now onwards, there will be less talks and less seeing each other… perhaps it was time for him to come up with his feelings… but he couldn’t… collg was a big-big thing for her… and he thought of giving her little time to settle in her new life…

 

There were lesser talks and no seeing each other for all the years that followed…

On every 11th of June, their b’day…  he thought of proposing her… but couldn’t… coz it was a big day for her, and he never wanted to kill her joys for his selfishness…

 

Every time they talked, he asked her if she is involved with someone- college does change a lot of things, and he was ready for any answer- but every time he got the same reply, “tujhe kya lagta hai..??” and he was speechless… this happened every time they talked… without fail.

Second year passed… he cudn’t say anything… similar was the third year…

 

But the desperation of telling Dhara everything he felt for her was getting high on DD… he could see her in every romantic movie… his tastes changed… every nice place he visited, he pledged to revisit it with Dhara once in his life… all the love poetries suddenly had meanings only he could define… he was a better person at heart.. someone who can understand people and their feelings and can come up with proper solutions…

 

Then he took a step… he wrote a proposal letter… just a page long… thought of sending it to her… he also had a message ready which he thought of sending to her just after he has proposed her…

the message read as: “Having a guy with impeccable and unmatched sense of humor is a reason enough for u to look forward to his company. His jokes are original and spontaneous, and his zest for life, infectious. Every single time u think of him, u unknowingly break out into a smile. His jokes are sometimes tiring, but then all efforts are dedicated to see u smile. He just wants to make difference in ur life… to keep u happy…               

are these not the reasons enough to say ‘YES’ when he proposes u…!!”

 

This letter and message he showed to one of his best friends in college and the reviews were very positive on the kinda text he had written. She asked if she should talk to Dhara about him, he said NO… he was not a coward… he always had this in mind that if Dhara will ever come to know about his love, it will be thru him and not a third person… all the delays that were there, were coz of some reasons… and he knew he will soon say those words: ” I LOVE YOU, Dhara”.. but WHEN…!!!

 

Everytime it was consideration of her feelings, her exams, her emotions and her “tujhe kya lagta hai…?” which kept him speechless.

 

And then came 4th year…

DD got placed…

Words must have flowed that day… DD called Dhara and found her upset- upset for her future…there were no companies coming to her college- so no more tensions were assured and placement thing was kept a secret… and proposal was delayed…

Moreover he never wanted Dhara’s decisions to get biased by the achievements he had had in his life. he wanted to be liked for the kind of person he is and not for what he will be in his future…

 

One fine day when DD and Dhara were talking… she asked him to make a confession… and that day ladke ne sab bol diya… started wid: “yaar, this can be very bad… very unexpected… and I don’t expect any answer… neither yes, nor no… just want to tell u that I appreciate u for what u are to me… I like u…”

 

He never thought he will say those words… THOSE BLISSFUL WORDS… the feelings he always had… the love he always felt… He always wanted to… but the only hinderance was ‘WHEN”… and now since he was past it… he had said them… all he wanted at this point of his life was a ‘YES’…

 

Dhara: ‘like u’ as a frend na….

DD: as a frnd also… and that ways also… I love u… I know if there is some girl who can keep me happy for the rest of my life its u…

——-a long silence followed——-

 

Dhara: yaar, this was very-very unexpected. I don’t know how to react… [then there was a long silence of 10 seconds…she

 

almost cried]… kab se DD…

 

DD: can’t say… make it 13yrs… terah saal. Aur jahan tak jawaab dene ki baat hai, to Dhara, please jawaab mat de yaar. I told u i don’t want any answers. Just wanted to tell u what I feel for u, so that if something bad happens in future, I don’t have to contemplate ki I didn’t tell you… I didn’t try. Bhool ja whatever I said…

 

Dhara: DD, I always considered u my best friend… but u proved to be like any other… kyun yaar… tune mujhe pehle kyun nahin bataya…

 

DD: bas, nahin bata saka yaar… tu sab bhool ja.. I am running out of balance and before it gets disconnected ek baar smile kar de.. warna mujhe bahut bura lagega…

 

Dhara: DD, tu mazaak kar raha hai na… I know tu mazaak kar raha hai… Tu aisa hi karta hai.. pehle dukhi karta hai fir hasne ko kehta hai… mazaak tha na ye DD..??

 

For DD, a world was shattered… he never knew that the job he has taken up of bringing smile to every body he meets will cost him so heavily… he had no option… he could say ‘NO’ and loose a friend forever…  or he can say ‘YES’ and try to go to revive their friendship… DD always wanted to be with Dhara… as a life partner… as a friend or… as a brother… nothing mattered at this point of life… the answer he was expecting… the YES from Dhara… was now to be given by him… a YES or a NO… the choice was his… DD wanted to be anything in this world but the reason for her tears…

 

DD: Yeah…………… it was a joke………… forget everything, bhool ja… that was a sick joke… let me tell u something good … I got placed in two companies and I also…… … [blah.. blah.. blah….]

 

*** balance over ***

 

But the day was not over for DD… for all the million moments that followed, he could see his moments with Dhara coming back to him in flashes… he couldn’t decide if what he did was right or wrong… was it too delayed or was it too early…

He wanted to tell this to someone… but couldn’t. He wanted to cry… but couldn’t… BOYS DON’T CRY…!!!

Dawn was near… so he slept… slept to be in dreams again…!!

That day DD took some resolutions… that he will NEVER EVER BE GOOD…  he won’t be the soothing shoulder to anybody…

 

But the very next day… he was back in business. Business of making Dhara smile… when the reasons were none…

He called her up… she was upset as expected… DD tried to cheer her up… but was struck by a question.

 

Dhara: “If that was a joke.. then ur side of the confession remains…”

DD: “Ok… then here it goes… Yaar, I recently got a proposal from a girl…. thinking over it… will let u know whatever my decision is…”

Dhara: “Ohk… gud for u… kya naam hai uska… kahan se hai.. kya kar rahi hai…???”

DD: “bata dunga.. abhi naihn…”

 

He never thought of these questions when he bluffed… he still had to work on it…

 

DD: “Oye Dhara… what’s ur side of the confession…. something which u always wanted to tell me… always wanted to share, but couldn’t get any right moment to begin…”

Dhara: “DD, dekh i was afraid of sharing this with anybody… but since u are a culprit urself of keeping things from me (was she talking of proposal or placement thing..!!),i can tell u everything with no guilt… and DD, I will need ur help in this case… perhaps at every moment… U will have to talk to my family on this matter… will u??”

DD: “hmm… yaar, u can always count on me… I PROMISE I will help u above my limits”

 

Dhara: “Yaar, i am commited… for 2 yrs now…!!!”

 

DD was speechless… he was known among his friends for keeping his PROMISES…!!!

and BOYS DON’T CRY…!!!

 

 

 

P.S.: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDTe3nQmaKw

 

 

I love YOU...!!

I love YOU...!!

 
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11 Comments »

  1. m speechless mishra!!!
    dunno wat to say….
    Hats off to u man!!

    Comment by Sudhanshu — March 2, 2009 @ 07:01 | Reply

  2. whatever u have written bears a striking resemblance to reality…if u maintain that its a figment of ur imagination, then its kind of unparalleled..it can move a person to tears…
    unfortunately there are so many people in this world who have the same fate as this duffer donkey as u have put it…may be nothing describes it better than rohit’s own words
    “Pehle akele roya tha, ab har kisi ko bekaraar paya…
    Sab kehte the ki ek nazm hai andaaz-e-bayaan mera …
    mehfil…ein Aaj har ek ko kaagaz ke saath tayyar paya…!!”
    people who r blessed with true love are really fortunate..for the others ,the beauty lies in cherishing it…

    Comment by Monideepa — March 2, 2009 @ 08:06 | Reply

  3. This is beautiful Ro… and just as painful too! There might be nothing new in this story, but the emotion with which it has been written hits right in the heart. Will you be writing a sequel to this story? I hope you do, someday… and I hope it has a happy ending… and DD and Dhara will be together forever… Amen!

    Comment by Gazal — March 4, 2009 @ 08:40 | Reply

  4. @sudky: thanks bhai…

    @Monideepa: i am trying to comeup withthe answers to ur questions… but i loved ur words: people who r blessed with true love are really fortunate..for the others ,the beauty lies in cherishing it…

    @Gazal: thankx… and i will love to writ a sequel to this story.. i seriously want to… the kind of end DD has shown in this story is not digestible… and i am trying to find out what NXT…

    well as per the end to the sequel… i want it to have a happy ending… and DD and Dhara together… perhaps more than naything in this world… Amen..!!

    Comment by Mishra — March 4, 2009 @ 09:44 | Reply

  5. superb penning style as a beginner rohit. well, i agree a praposal doesnt alwayz end up with YES bt u must hav learnt probability theory in maths.. if we prapose a gal there r the 50% chances of “yes” n in the either case there r 0% chances(or simply,no chance) of YES.love never comes wid the condition . it jus a feeling of letting ur partner free. i know its easy to write then follow bt if we can write it then also v can work on it.
    neways ur presentation style remindz me of chetan bhagat z “3 mistakes of my life”. so plz keep up the gud work!! all da best 🙂

    Comment by RAW jeev — March 15, 2009 @ 11:33 | Reply

  6. ahhh….i think i know this DD 😉

    Comment by aliva — March 23, 2009 @ 18:15 | Reply

  7. NO ALIVA: nahin jaanti tum… and go thru COZ QUESTIONS WERE RAISED… u will get to knoew why…

    ye community wala DD nahin hai

    Comment by Mishra — March 23, 2009 @ 18:37 | Reply

  8. there is life in this…

    touched..

    beautifully written.
    thanks for sharing this beautiful piece of work..

    can relate to this one very much,…

    and indeed liked your page layout and the favicon you have used.. good work bro…

    have a great day…
    keep blogging

    thanks for reading my articles…

    God bless

    Comment by chriz — April 18, 2009 @ 11:16 | Reply

  9. it was one of the best stories I have read in a long long time..it made me sad..but I am happy I read this. DD is not a duffer.. DD is a gem.. I hope and pray DD falls in love again.. and pyaar ko bhi usse pyaar ho..

    lovely.. thank you for making me read this!!

    Comment by Kajal aka The Pink Orchid — April 18, 2009 @ 23:07 | Reply

  10. […] u get into reading this, please read “I WON’T LOVE AGAIN” post…. This is a sequel to […]

    Pingback by DAMN… I LOVE U…!! « Moments and Memories…!! — May 8, 2009 @ 10:31 | Reply

  11. thats’ true man !!
    u are close to it very close.
    good.and if u are suffering then just chill.
    we all have to reap what we have done.
    ok keep doing this.
    tc, bye

    Comment by vipul mishra — December 26, 2009 @ 12:33 | Reply


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